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FistfeelinglikemoonlightFistfeelinglikemoonlight。经典美文在线看！Now there is so long for my life, I have no idea what will be happened at future in my life. What will get, and what will lose. When my friends asked me what I want, I didn't say anything because I have nothing to say. Maybe it isn't necessary, but I surely known what I am wanting. That was just a girl, just can walk into my heart and can give me all my pride, to hold up my hope and carry on my dream. The girl would with unsophisticated smile and lovely face like moonlight, and long hair. I knew I already found this girl at that early autumn, at first time that I heard her name, pretty name and pretty girl. The emotion can not be controlled when my eyes look on that face and long hair. But, I don't really know that is my chance from God favor or not. Love to the man, in my point that is responsibility for who he love. I kept that in my mind form I grow up to sensible age. In a long time I always kept emotion under my mind to cover my weakness in love, never to be felt by anybody whate重庆信用卡套现ver how beautiful she is, how closed friends is or family is. Absolutely I was smart, maybe adamant, staunch whatever, but to the love I have no courage to effort. I have nothing to guarantee this responsibility of love. although, maybe that's not firstly important, but I was really afraid I can not take better living to her; I was afraid that I will lose my job at someday in the future; I am afraid she will disappoint at me; I am afraid because it was so weak emotion in my deep heart, I am afraid I will lose her finally. If would be that, I rather there is nothing happened. I know I am so recreance to love; even I have no courage to walk to close her. That classical words announcement, I have no courage to say, just put my eyes down to the ground, carefully to protect infirm pride under my deep heart. I fear she will look me down. I fear that she will refuse me. I don't rather to know, that was actually no chance to me from starting. Certainly she was good girl I believe that, but I still fear she will refuse me after my saying to. Love her, but I didn't dare to say out. I don't know it was should be said or shouldn't, or maybe sometime in the future, or maybe I should say when I get some better, get my career. Look like there has not more choice to me, from responsibility, I must重庆信用卡套现 make her living better, I must succeed for her. I must striving, and waiting. Ridiculously is not waiting to her, that was waiting to some not important for love. Sorry to Gods, I always refused to believe you before this time. But now, I devoutly beg to you, let her know how I am so sincerely to love her. God bless me, can succeed this time; bless I can get better career and courage to love her; bless she will live with pleasure and quiet in these days, till I walk to beside her; bless I still have chance to inarm her; bless we will live together with happiness and sincerely love, till we die. Never, I had this aspiration to a girl. From that time we met, from that time's travel was over, unluckily I fell into the busy job and quiet night again. Every days repeated same of the irksome work, maybe pressure of this city, maybe loneliness with me for a long time; whatever, I was back return to my quondam living; wake up early, on duty, business and operation, off duty, go home, link line, Chinese chess, write poem, chat with line-friends those never have chance to meet, and some like bored thing. Days walked, some thing has fate will be happened. One noon I was free, hah! So nice there has no people interrupt to me. But I suddenly remembered that girl's name when I was quiet to rest at my chair. So beautiful name, I don't know what was my purpose cause me to search her name on Baidu, but really I got, and specially, there have an address of MSN beside name. Perhaps, this is fate, this is God's favor, I never thought that would be possible we will get chance or other way to meet again, or contact. Remembered her view's of back, remembered her smile, remembered long hair, my imagination was clear slowly. That feel was bright like moonlight in the dark night, never happened, never felt. I know most possibility that was caused by alone, but I swear that time my heart was fast sincerely to want this girl, want to own her into my arm forever, that time I also get consciousness I already loved her, but while I can't, I can't let it be said by myself. Simple reason without to explain; I fell into hard antinomy between the bad character and stupid self-pride. Just is very stupid! Few days gone, I found her icon was bright finally. Naturally we chat on line, although more time we talked about nothing of meaning, but I am really happy to have this girl to consort with me on line. Some hope was so simple, days gone, slowly we talked own life both, talked about our interesting, growing up, and each self-status. Things gone naturally, knowing was slowly deep, she is virtuous and smart, she have firm faith to hold on what she think is right; she have naivete cause her to believe there shouldn't has darkness in this city; sometimes she was complicated, even can not save own antinomy; sometimes she gave me surprise by her own humor. Never had I got this kind of feeling, finally we talked about meeting. But un-forecasted, this meeting caused me to lose her; this meeting caused me sad for a long time succedent. This meeting we talked more easily and happily, I felt we have chance to be friends at least. But feel was lying, I lost her completely, MSN icon never bright again, mobile couldn't be connected, sent message never got apply from that meeting. Even I don't know why, I thought that means finished. I felt that was over. But I am really not wanted to face that....... That is refused I think, refuse without answer. I also refused to believe that is my fate. I can accept she refused on my face even if重庆信用卡代还 that cause me sad, I can accept she think me not good enough maybe that is truth, I can accept anything just give me the answer. Answer is important I want, answer can let me peace to review myself, to reset up our confidence, but there has none. Follow days I fell into hard and complex mind, God, why? Really I didn't rather to give up like this, though those days I tried to find some reason for refused by myself, I think I want to abnegate maybe. But some things always get opposition, I found more reason but none can cause me to believe that, I know just I didn't want to believe at all. Those days went like yeas, there still has no answer from her, there has no information about where she is and what she doing or how about her. Nothing for anything, she absolutely disappeared. Cause from I never surrender, maybe I would keep trying, and at least, I should trying only for answer. God's know how did I am thinking that time, even yet do I. Even if everything has must to lose that will lose on fate, at least I was ever trying. Maybe I was just conciliate myself, maybe fool whatever, I was striving for her. Registered of the new ID on MSN, contacted her again but change of another strange role. Funny, we were strange on strict meaning. I know this way was not good, but look like there has no another choice to me. The result maybe we can not hold when she understand truth, maybe truth means finish really coming. Let it be. I don't know whether she would forgive me or not if someday she knew what I was doing. Important, I know I must tell her face to face sincerely someday, how do I look on her eyes at that time, what feeling she will? Anger; despair; lying; unworthy; what kind people she will look me as? I can not forecast the sequel, but I can forecast there has no chance if nothing I do. What are we usually to say? Not sure it will succeed by effort, but certainly it will lose by un-effort. We chatted again as last time. Some will return at fate corner. We could get feel close on line, perhaps line can give us more space that would not exist in real living our round. Usually, we won't let our weakness be known by round people. Everyone has weakness in psychological field whatever how stronger more they are, most time we must keep down our weakness under our some purposive covering whatever your wish, we have no choice by pressure, and covering perhaps we passively choose only. However, it was glad this time we got trust on line like last time I think so, maybe I signed words of "never to meet" worked, she trusted me on line, maybe just on line she can receive caring from stranger like me. Whatever, at least I can find her now. It is better single she told me about her work and life; she told me what about her worries, opinions, thinking, and other like. If there has future between us, if there has chance for love that is good start I think. One day in last Spring Festival, she knew the truth. Hope already relighted maybe I think this time, I will remember she promised me that she would not disappeared again; she said that she won't let me lose her again I will remember forever. That is my hope, that is my purpose for what should I do in the follow days. That is chance maybe; suddenly I realized there has just a chance by effort, not guarantee. But chance for us, it was worth enough. Please tell me it worth. I know you can see my space, although I don't remember what time I gave you such jurisdiction of my space. But jurisdiction is not important now; you are only one in this ID. Whatever what kind of result between us in the future, if I want somebody read this, that one is only you. Just please tell me it worth you think. I still fear, fear hope still will be broken, fear this feeling just exist on line and just from myself only, fear that I was misunderstand your words. Please, tell me how did you think, tell me that I have chance walk out line toward you side this time.
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